Grow some balls

We`re running around naked. Covering our bodies and uncovering our hearts. Treating life like there`s no ending. Treating others like there`s no new beginning. Keep chasing shadows and calling them enlightenments. Making mistakes, repeating them and calling it experience. Loving and getting hurt and calling it rising above.

Why? Why running around? Why waiting for things to happen? Why trusting a higher goal? Why believing that bad days go away just by wishing for better ones? Why not taking risks? Find a better place. A better job. A better friend. A better girlfriend. Why waiting?

I had an uncle. Age 32. I think he, as the rest of us, waited for something better to come along. A better job. A better friend. A better girlfriend. Now he lies down three feet beneath the ground. Always telling ourselves that time will come when we`ll say it was all worth it. Always excusing ourselves for not being in control because there`s plenty of time for life to hand us cookies. But the question is… Is there?

I don`t know what people really think of me. Probably because every person I met has a different opinion regarding me. But despite my controversial way of living, they will never say I lived for the moment (or as poets say it seized the day). Because I never did. Years of my life, spent wishing for something grand. Years, thinking that by fixing a little bit of this and a little bit of that, things will turn out just perfect. Well, my dears, there`s never enough fixing. Or better said, there`s never enough time for that whole bunch of fixing. Perfection is not achieved when there is nothing left to add, but when there`s nothing left to take away. And if you ask me, practice doesn`t make it perfect. It makes it boring.

So instead of trying to be those perfect little pretty machines that we become for the sake of others, choking ourselves, our personalities, our spirits, complying with rules and interdictions, explaining and begging for trust, we should just live. Live like there`s no tomorrow. Live like happiness is better than oxygen. Get drunk. Whether it`s beer, poetry, music, nature or sex, get drunk. And do things that will not embarrass you if you die in the middle of them.

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And here I find myself talking. I`ll never have the courage to sail this ship to unknown seas. I`ll just harbour it, clean it up and keep it pretty and shiny for the same old blind commander. So much for Carpe Diem.

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